Skweezy and Secrets

Posted on

For my birthday this year, I put together a rafting trip and rented a cabin in the wilderness and had a guys trip where we spent a lot of time trying to fart around, near, or on each other. I guess we did other things too. It was three friends and my brother, and I was ecstatic to have him fly in and join us. He’s had a rough life, but he’s doing well now, and I count every chance I get to spend time with him as a gift. […]

I’m Sitting Across From Two Heroin Addicts in Starbucks

Posted on

I’m sitting across from two heroin addicts in Starbucks. At this location, you need a code to use the bathroom, and that is only available with purchase. But they need that bathroom. They need to shoot up. So she bought a banana and put it on the table in front of him and he pulled out a large knife and cut it in half and said “There’s your fucking half” like he’s pissed at her about something. He’s wearing the kind of outfit that no one in the city wears […]

We Need to Stop Treating Mental Illness Like It’s a Mysterious Boogeyman

Posted on

When I was a kid and I got physically sick, there was always an obvious cause. It didn’t matter if I had a cold, a headache, or I was suffering an asthma attack; by the end of the twentieth century, science and technology had come so far that we no longer had to guess what caused our maladies. I could simply tell my parents what was wrong, and within a few seconds they could ascertain exactly what was wrong with me, no matter what.   Demons. It was always demons. […]

Stop Settling For Yourself

Posted on

As I’ve grown older, I don’t understand why adults don’t grow out of thinking that romantic love is like some sort of guaranteed right. They crash through one horrible relationship after another (or none at all) and can’t fathom why. I don’t know, maybe the fact that you’re a drunk, or have mother issues, or won’t make an effort to meet new people may have something to do with it. Wake up, do the routine, wait for the weekend, countdown to vacation, go to sleep, repeat. No changes. No progress. […]

Untitled Novel. Chapter 1.

Posted on

The air was still and nasty. Sticky and filled with bugs fucking in flight and smelling like rotting vegetation. Swamp air. Two police officers stood side by side outside the long-abandoned mini-mart. One cop was older. Fiftyish. Balding. Sloppy. Garrett. “That plastic bottle straight across the way,” Garrett said with a point. The other cop was younger. Not young enough to be bright-eyed. Healthy. Sort of. His name was Mike. Garrett tore into a danish. Mike chomped on a stick of jerky with one hand and hoisted his piece with […]

Sex, Drugs, and Rock n Roll. And Tony Partytime.

Posted on

The hardest drug I’ve ever ingested is ecstasy. I took it three times over a two month span and then never again. The first time, I took it with a friend to try it out. The second time was at the Ultra Music Festival, which I had flown cross country to get to with two pills in the pocket of my jeans without ever considering how fucking stupid of an idea that was. If I had been checked at the airport, I would have had no defense. But I wasn’t, […]

What, Exactly, is The Goal Here?

Posted on

So we had this pro-Trump “free speech rally” down the street from my home and I tuned in to the livestream to watch a guy nicknamed “Stickman” – proudly named so because he beat someone over the head with a stick – talk about “taking over the West Coast and getting rid of all the liberals.” I grew up in a city where black people were openly called “nigger”, gays were ostracized and had their family lives ruined, and I was punished for having pre-marital sex, having a friend with […]

Artificial Intelligence Will Melt Your Face Off

Posted on

The impending AI revolution will be the the most fantastic and monumental and mind-meltingly absurd leap we will have experienced in our lifetimes. I don’t think any of us can truly comprehend the scale and speed at which it will occur. But Moore’s law (basically, the exponential evolution of computing power) is going to throw the changes (and keep throwing them) at our faces so hard and fast it’ll feel like a heavyweight boxing match in the eleventh round. We’ll be staggering around, barely able to keep up, confused and trying to […]

Trust is a Choice.

Posted on

We all have facets of our selves that aren’t obvious to us. Some people are blissfully unaware of who they are vs. who they think they are. We all know that guy who thinks he’s hot shit while everyone rolls their eyes when he comes around, or that woman that dates guys that look and act like Fred Durst circa 2002 yet always seems confused when she ultimately catches him doing the same thing those guys always do. Some people are painfully aware of what they’re lacking but not sure what the […]

I’m Tall (But I’m Not THAT Tall)

Posted on

I’m 6’3″. Which means I’m tall, but I’m not that tall. I have a good friend, and he is 6’5″, which is taller, but still not that tall. We hang out a lot together, and when we do, awkward encounters regarding our height often happen. But the strangest is when we’re out at a bar or club, and drunk guys come up to us. The guys are never short, never tall, always average. 5’9″ – 5’11”, without fail. It works similarly like I assume it would if I were a woman […]