As I’ve grown older, I don’t understand why adults don’t grow out of thinking that romantic love is like some sort of guaranteed right. They crash through one horrible relationship after another (or none at all) and can’t fathom why. I don’t know, maybe the fact that you’re a drunk, or have mother issues, or won’t make an effort to meet new people may have something to do with it. Wake up, do the routine, wait for the weekend, countdown to vacation, go to sleep, repeat. No changes. No progress.
And we have this tricky movement now about “loving ourselves as we are,” which is a good thing, but using it as a crutch and never pushing to be better is a bad thing. And people seem afraid to talk about that part. You can love yourself and still strive to be better. They aren’t mutually exclusive. I definitely don’t want to think, not even halfway through my life, that I’m “perfect the way I am.” Sounds shitty to me.
Just like you can settle for a lover who isn’t the person you should be with, you can settle for a lower standard of yourself. That’s not living, though. That’s existing. Living takes work. Sometimes the work is arduous, I know. Shit, after a couple of ridiculous relationships, I realized I needed to take a big step back and work on myself. And after lots of therapy, self-discovery, and a full 6 years, I finally tried it again. And failed. And learned more. A few more misfires and a lot more work and one day it paid off. But I had to learn that finding the person you’re meant to be with isn’t a right, it’s a privilege.
Life’s too short to settle. And too long to settle as well.