Sex, Drugs, and Rock n Roll. And Tony Partytime.

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The hardest drug I’ve ever ingested is ecstasy. I took it three times over a two month span and then never again. The first time, I took it with a friend to try it out. The second time was at the Ultra Music Festival, which I had flown cross country to get to with two pills in the pocket of my jeans without ever considering how fucking stupid of an idea that was. If I had been checked at the airport, I would have had no defense. But I wasn’t, […]

What, Exactly, is The Goal Here?

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So we had this pro-Trump “free speech rally” down the street from my home and I tuned in to the livestream to watch a guy nicknamed “Stickman” – proudly named so because he beat someone over the head with a stick – talk about “taking over the West Coast and getting rid of all the liberals.” I grew up in a city where black people were openly called “nigger”, gays were ostracized and had their family lives ruined, and I was punished for having pre-marital sex, having a friend with […]

Artificial Intelligence Will Melt Your Face Off

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The impending AI revolution will be the the most fantastic and monumental and mind-meltingly absurd leap we will have experienced in our lifetimes. I don’t think any of us can truly comprehend the scale and speed at which it will occur. But Moore’s law (basically, the exponential evolution of computing power) is going to throw the changes (and keep throwing them) at our faces so hard and fast it’ll feel like a heavyweight boxing match in the eleventh round. We’ll be staggering around, barely able to keep up, confused and trying to […]

Trust is a Choice.

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We all have facets of our selves that aren’t obvious to us. Some people are blissfully unaware of who they are vs. who they think they are. We all know that guy who thinks he’s hot shit while everyone rolls their eyes when he comes around, or that woman that dates guys that look and act like Fred Durst circa 2002 yet always seems confused when she ultimately catches him doing the same thing those guys always do. Some people are painfully aware of what they’re lacking but not sure what the […]

I’m Tall (But I’m Not THAT Tall)

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I’m 6’3″. Which means I’m tall, but I’m not that tall. I have a good friend, and he is 6’5″, which is taller, but still not that tall. We hang out a lot together, and when we do, awkward encounters regarding our height often happen. But the strangest is when we’re out at a bar or club, and drunk guys come up to us. The guys are never short, never tall, always average. 5’9″ – 5’11”, without fail. It works similarly like I assume it would if I were a woman […]

The Dream I Dreamed Last Night

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I’m laying in a field. Movements are graceful. Actions are direct. The light is soft, natural. Feels like a Terrence Malick movie. Gentle breezes move in waves over the tips of the grasses. I am laying next to a man. That man is former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani. His shirt is unbuttoned halfway down his chest. He unzips my pants and, against my wishes, starts to give me a handjob. I don ‘t hate it, but I didn’t ask for it either. My hands move like they are held […]

Tiny Houses

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We all have those things that make us irrationally angry. For me, it’s tiny houses. More specifically, the people that buy them on tiny house TV shows. And there is always a tiny house show on at some point on some channel. There’s one on now. I’m watching it. And I’m furious. It’s always the same narrative. “We want to downsize and live the simple life!” And then they try to cram a family of 4 into 103 square feet. Really? You want to take a dump on a toilet […]

Donald Trump and Mental Illness

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I’ve spent my entire life around mental illness and personality disorders. Just about everyone in my family has dealt with depression. One relative has diagnosed bipolar disorder. My mother would likely never see any sort of mental health specialist, but I’d be greatly surprised if she didn’t have bipolar and histrionic personality disorder. In my own brain, I’ve got some PTSD, lots of anxiety (mostly social and generalized), have had bouts of serious depression, and moderate-severe OCD. I’ve been working with counselors and therapists off and on for the past […]

Church

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The primary motivation for me to go to church was candy. Children’s church had a contest that involved memorizing a bible verse and then the first kid that was called on that got it correct word for word would get the chance to stick his or her hand in the candy jar and pull out as big of a handful as possible. It was kinda like the candy crane, though. Get too cocky, and you could lose most of your haul. Only one child per week could win, but I […]

Sex, Drugs, and Rock n Roll Radio: The Audition

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Hey there. This is an excerpt from my upcoming book. It’s unedited, and un-proofread, so keep that in mind! Hope you like it.   When a new station is launched, or a station flips formats (which is far more common than a launch from a previously static frequency), the station does what is called “stunting.” The most common stunts are “10,000 in a row before commercials” or playing clips of songs from different formats and having the listeners email or call in with their suggestions on what the new station […]