Trust is a Choice.

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We all have facets of our selves that aren’t obvious to us. Some people are blissfully unaware of who they are vs. who they think they are. We all know that guy who thinks he’s hot shit while everyone rolls their eyes when he comes around, or that woman that dates guys that look and act like Fred Durst circa 2002 yet always seems confused when she ultimately catches him doing the same thing those guys always do. Some people are painfully aware of what they’re lacking but not sure what the […]

I’m Tall (But I’m Not THAT Tall)

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I’m 6’3″. Which means I’m tall, but I’m not that tall. I have a good friend, and he is 6’5″, which is taller, but still not that tall. We hang out a lot together, and when we do, awkward encounters regarding our height often happen. But the strangest is when we’re out at a bar or club, and drunk guys come up to us. The guys are never short, never tall, always average. 5’9″ – 5’11”, without fail. It works similarly like I assume it would if I were a woman […]

The Dream I Dreamed Last Night

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I’m laying in a field. Movements are graceful. Actions are direct. The light is soft, natural. Feels like a Terrence Malick movie. Gentle breezes move in waves over the tips of the grasses. I am laying next to a man. That man is former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani. His shirt is unbuttoned halfway down his chest. He unzips my pants and, against my wishes, starts to give me a handjob. I don ‘t hate it, but I didn’t ask for it either. My hands move like they are held […]

Tiny Houses

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We all have those things that make us irrationally angry. For me, it’s tiny houses. More specifically, the people that buy them on tiny house TV shows. And there is always a tiny house show on at some point on some channel. There’s one on now. I’m watching it. And I’m furious. It’s always the same narrative. “We want to downsize and live the simple life!” And then they try to cram a family of 4 into 103 square feet. Really? You want to take a dump on a toilet […]

Donald Trump and Mental Illness

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I’ve spent my entire life around mental illness and personality disorders. Just about everyone in my family has dealt with depression. One relative has diagnosed bipolar disorder. My mother would likely never see any sort of mental health specialist, but I’d be greatly surprised if she didn’t have bipolar and histrionic personality disorder. In my own brain, I’ve got some PTSD, lots of anxiety (mostly social and generalized), have had bouts of serious depression, and moderate-severe OCD. I’ve been working with counselors and therapists off and on for the past […]

Church

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The primary motivation for me to go to church was candy. Children’s church had a contest that involved memorizing a bible verse and then the first kid that was called on that got it correct word for word would get the chance to stick his or her hand in the candy jar and pull out as big of a handful as possible. It was kinda like the candy crane, though. Get too cocky, and you could lose most of your haul. Only one child per week could win, but I […]

Sex, Drugs, and Rock n Roll Radio: The Audition

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Hey there. This is an excerpt from my upcoming book. It’s unedited, and un-proofread, so keep that in mind! Hope you like it.   When a new station is launched, or a station flips formats (which is far more common than a launch from a previously static frequency), the station does what is called “stunting.” The most common stunts are “10,000 in a row before commercials” or playing clips of songs from different formats and having the listeners email or call in with their suggestions on what the new station […]

Digital Ghosts.

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I’m taking a break from work and my phone rings. I look down at the caller ID. It says Grandpa. I hesitate for a moment because a) his birthday was last week, and b) he never calls me. Oh also, he’s been dead for two years. What the fuck, I think. I stare at the phone for a moment longer and then answer. Me: Uhhh…hello? Mom: Are you busy? I need website help. Me: What the…why are you…how are you calling from Grandpa’s phone? Mom: What? Me: My caller ID […]

Heroes.

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The real world is a complicated place, starkly different than the world I grew up with, a world of black and white. If something was bad, I was taught, it was from the devil. If it was good, it was from God. “How do I know if something is bad or good?” I would ask. And then I would be told it was simple – all my answers were in the bible. Of course, that also required me to believe that the harmful thoughts that ran through my mind from […]